NANNYGATE, PART DEUX

Claudia needs three weeks off every summer while Aida needs to bring her son to work. Laela isn’t actually a nanny, doesn’t know how to change a diaper, but “really likes kids.” And though Jennifer lives in a one-bedroom apartment with her son, her mother, and grandmother, she doesn’t want to work too many hours because she wants to stop working to become a nurse.

“Taking care of sick people is fun, “ she tells me. “It’s like taking care of a baby, but sick!”

Jennifer looks disappointed when I remind her that my son, while a baby, is perfectly healthy.

In my two-week immersion into Nanny Gate 2008, I have interviewed well over 20 candidates and have whittled the 20 down to 5 who have worked for me at least a day to see if they just might be the one. Each comes with her own file folder full of glowing recommendations from families claiming to have wept upon her absence, wishing their children didn’t have to go to school so they could keep her on.

Ann, a 50 year old nanny who took three years off from “the baby biz” to work at Curves is my first test. Looking at her resume, filled with perfect reviews from former bosses and nursery schools at which she’d been employed, I’m optimistic, even enthusiastic, until she starts work. Within five minutes, she asks me to hold the baby so she can “take a breather to wipe her brow.” It’s clear her time working for Curves was not spent on the gym floor.

Judith, a self -proclaimed “Super Nanny” with 25 years of credentials comes to her interview enthusiastic if ebullient. But that enthusiasm fades quickly into her workday when simple tasks like: following directions or folding a child’s laundry is required. “I don’t understand this, what is this?” she barks while pointing to my son’s pajamas. When I confirm that yes indeed my son’s pajamas are in fact pajamas, she seems perplexed. “I don’t understand. How do you want me to fold these? I don’t know what these are!” she says again as she throws them on the floor. Judith might be a Super Nanny, but she's also Super Angry.

And these are the ones that made it past the interview.

I remember the days when I, like these nannies, worked for an hourly wage. I remember counting my ten dollars or fifteen dollars per hour until my rent was made, my car was paid for, and hopefully my food. If my boss asked me to work extra hours, I was thrilled, knowing that I’d have a few more tens or fifteens toward covering my nut.

When I worked as a personal assistant, and met my boss for the first time she said, “I’m very particular, I like things done a certain way.” What I heard was that she was very particular and liked things done a certain way, which is what I did. I did things her way and we got along famously. But every nanny I’ve met comes with her list of demands, her career pre-nup if you will, listing the conditions, benefits, and payment required for her to do her job.

Jillian, a French nanny who charges $19 an hour, “But is willing to negotiate”, will work for $18 an hour as long as I am willing to pay for her gas to and from work. A simple request, but when was the last time a teacher got paid for his drive to work or a nurse for hers? People shouldn’t be treated poorly because they clean a house or take care of a child to make a living, but they shouldn't be treated better either. Adding up the expenses of Jillian’s requests and benefits, she’d make more than my husband and I combined. So needless to say, I said “au revoir” to Jillian, wishing her “bon chance” and remembered that a French nanny would be lovely if only she weren’t French.

I start another week immersed in Nanny Gate 2008 wondering if I’ll find a suitable candidate before my new job starts, a movie I’m writing, for which I’ll probably get paid less than my nanny. It’s my first big writing job, there’s not much room for negotiation, but I’m happy for the opportunity, happy to have a job. It's easy to "dignify" yourself out of a job, demand your way into the unemployment line. Somewhere out there is a nanny who wants to work and is happy for the opportunity and realizes there's not a lot of room for negotiation.

And if not, I hope my kid knows how to spell check and write jokes because he and I have got work to do.