THERE'S NO WE IN BREASTFEEDING...

Since I became a Mom, I have been encouraging myself to be less judgmental. But then….

A couple from my yoga class just had a baby. These two are aspiring Amish and decided to have a home birth. An odd choice being that they live down the street from Cedar’s Sinai, one of the world’s best hospitals. Labor always seemed to me a weird time for “roughing it” but then again, I’d hire a nanny and a housekeeper even if I didn’t have a child or a house.

After 12 hours of pushing, the two decided they only thing missing was the baby and a doctor, so they made their way down the street to the hospital where they found both.

Days later, comes the mandatory “Welcoming Baby (Fill in the Name)” email. The husband describes in great detail, their labor. Interesting. Having gone through labor myself, I can assure you that there’s only one set of legs spread open on that table and it isn’t the husband’s. But okay, he’s into it, embracing his new role as Dad and he’s forgotten that it didn’t actually happen to him.

He then goes on to describe how much he enjoys the baby waking at night to feed. “She wakes up every couple hours to feed and while she’s nursing, I meditate.” At this moment, I lose my desire to be a Gandhi Mommy and return to my comfortable state of Judgmental.

Having a newborn is exhausting, even under the best of circumstances. Every couple finds their way through it and divvies up the duties the best way for themselves. In my case, I got up with the baby in the night because 1) I’m the only one that could feed him and 2) Justin had to work in the morning and couldn’t function totally exhausted.

Would it have been nice if I got more than 4 non-consecutive hours of sleep, absolutely. But since I'm the only one in the house with breasts, ours seemed liked the logical way to go. But meditating? Really. You have a newborn, you have an exhausted wife, yet you have time to sit by yourself breathing deeply? How about make a bottle for the baby and feed her yourself. Better yet, how bout do something nice for your wife like clean the house or make her s sandwich since she’s probably still recovering from the labor you two went through. But meditating? Probably not that helpful.

The last line of his email is the one that sent me over. He goes on to describe how “we’re breastfeeding and it’s going very well.” He may have missed this because he was busy in labor or meditating, but there’s no WE in breastfeeding. There’s only a SHE in breastfeeding.

I love a guy that embraces his new role as a Dad. I admire a guy who gets in the trenches, changing diapers, making bottles, and rocking a crying baby. But just cause you do that, doesn’t make it equal. You can love your baby as much as his Mom but you don’t have to carry it for 9 months and feed it for another 12. You can meditate and call that parenting and you can go to yoga class while your wife is still recovering from the home birth gone awry. You get to be parent when you want as opposed to the Mom who is the default parent constantly faced with the question “who’s with the baby?” when she steps out for a baby free moment.

So unless you’re willing to give up your meditating and your yoga, don’t say “WE”. And unless your dick has milk in it, shut up.

Om.